Ever wanted to know what the most successful and fulfilled people have in common? If the answer is yes, keep reading.
Coaching. The most powerful conversation type in existence. You might be wondering how I can make such a bold statement. I would be too if someone had said the same thing to me before my training. Speaking of training, I wasn't too sure what to expect from it. I just wanted to ensure it was the best available globally, so I had industry-leading tools at my fingertips to help as many people as possible to help themselves. I got that... and so much more.
14 months, three qualifications and endless coaching hours later, I can honestly say that coaching has enhanced my life like nothing else before it.
I know, you're still wondering how, why. Let's start with the basics...
What is coaching?
I could insert a standard definition of coaching here but chances are you'll zone out before you finish reading it. To clarify, coaching is by no means boring but often the way it's explained doesn't always speak to everyone in a way that engages them. So I am going to explain it in my own words - a converted coaching sceptic.
Coaching is a journey that you take alongside your chosen coach. You partner with them and together you focus on the present and what you're working towards. The coach is the expert in coaching (no surprises there) and they believe that you are the expert on you and have the answers you need to get the results you want. This allows the coach to focus on keeping to your agenda (not theirs), giving you the space and tools to find your own path from A to B. This is where the magic happens.
What coaching is not
Coaches should not:
❌ advise or give clients the answer/show them the way
❌ try to 'fix' clients
❌ focus extensively on the past
❌ have an agenda
❌ focus on winning or guarantee specific results
❌ abandon their client at the implementation stage of their plan(s)
Any coach worth their salt should know this and ensure that the lines aren't blurred. There are occasions, however, where a coach may also be a qualified therapist or a consultant or mentor. They can still coach you but it may be that they either don't offer pure coaching or you would like to hire them on a multi-service basis. Either way, this should be discussed at the start of the relationship and if applicable, an agreement as to how these services will be delivered should be outlined, ideally in writing.
When does coaching work?
In my experience, coaching works best when:
✅ you do your research when looking for a coach
✅ you and your coach choose to work together
✅ you agree the terms and set the expectations of the coaching engagement at the start
✅ you are committed to the coaching process
✅ you are open to exploring what might come up in your coaching sessions
✅ you are honest with your coach at all times
✅ you know what coaching is and ensure that's what you're getting
This may sound really simple and obvious, yet there are a number of people I have spoken to who have had a bad experience with coaching. Often when I then explore why that was with them, one or more of the above has not been followed.
If you've experienced coaching before, how did you find it?
Valuable
Not so great
How to choose your coach
Choosing your coach is one of the most important parts of the coaching journey. The coaching industry has boomed in the last few years but as it is still an unregulated industry, anyone can call themselves a coach. This has led to a significant amount of bad 'coaching' and has put off many from exploring it further. As with all professions, there are some bad apples in the bunch but because of the lack of regulation, there are more than usual in the coaching industry. This is a real shame as when coaching is done well, it can be life-changing. This is why I would urge anyone considering coaching to research who they are thinking about hiring as their coach. Here are 5 tips to get you started:
My #1 tip when hiring a coach - do not make a decision before you have had a conversation with them first. All good coaches should offer you a chance to speak to them first and if they don't, you have to wonder why. Rapport is imperative - your coach needs to be someone you feel comfortable partnering with on this journey. Will they challenge you? Do they have the right skills and experience to help you? Do you feel able to communicate openly with them? All of these questions and more are valid and need answering before you make your final decision.
Coaches don't need training to be good coaches but if they have had no formal training, look at what experience they do have and how that might be applicable. Having a discussion with them first before hiring them to ensure that you feel confident with what they can offer you and whether it is in fact coaching, is essential.
If they call themselves qualified coaches, ensure their training was completed at an accredited institution and/or they have an accreditation from a reputable coaching body. The International Coaching Federation (ICF) is probably the most well-known accreditation body globally. The European Mentoring and Coaching Council (EMCC), International Association of Coaching (IAC), Center for Credentialing & Education (CCE) and the Association for Coaching (AC) are some others.
Look for evidence of their coaching ability from previous clients - testimonials or reviews on their website, LinkedIn, Google and other social media are a good place to start. Personal recommendations from someone you know is even better, as that person not only knows you but also has either had personal experience of working with that coach or knows someone that has had a good experience with them. I would still recommend doing your own research though and remember that just because that coach worked for someone else, it doesn't mean they will be the right match for you.
Coaches do not need to have a background in the area in which you seek to discuss as most are trained to be able to coach anyone on anything. Having said that, it can help if the coach is already aware of the key words and nuances of that area. For example, an executive coach with a corporate background or a nutrition and fitness coach that used to be a personal trainer or nutritionist. Where it can get tricky is if the coach has personal experience in their niche, such as grief, divorce, weight loss and so on. On the one hand, this can be a real benefit and in most cases, coaches should keep their personal experience out of the conversation and stick to their client's agenda when guiding the conversation but these experiences can sometimes subconsciously creep in. It's not to say that these coaches are not excellent at what they do, it's just something to be mindful of when speaking to them at the start and, if you hire them, throughout your coaching journey.
How and why is coaching so powerful?
No, it's not magic, although at times it does feel like it is. You've got an understanding of what coaching is (and isn't), you know when it works at its best, how to choose your preferred coach, now how and why does it actually work? It's a valid question and one I would often ponder both as a coaching sceptic and now as a professional coach.
That might sound odd given that I've undertaken extensive training and coached several clients - surely I should know the secret formula by now? Well, I do but it's not a straightforward, step-by-step process that we follow because it's not an exact science, more of an art. Coaching may look easy - it's just having a chat and asking a few questions right? Well, the most masterful coaches may make it look effortless but it's actually harder than you'd think.
The best coaches 'dance in the moment' - it's near impossible to prepare for a coaching session. Instead we use our listening skills and intuition to really hear what the client is and is not saying, then let that and our toolkit guide what we say next. Our questions are often open-ended and powerful. We don't fear silence, in fact, we thrive on it. It takes a unique and refined skill set to be a masterful coach. One that challenges, inspires, champions, empathises, doesn't judge, is knowledgeable, professional, intuitive and can expertly guide you through your coaching journey, to the results you want.
My parting words - give coaching a go, know what you want to get out of it and choose your coach wisely. You won't regret it!
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