The hidden dangers of being ambitious

Updated: Aug 9

Exactly four years after I found myself in A&E with chest pains from excessive stress (having ignored them for two weeks because I was too busy at work), I explore the hidden dangers of what it can mean to be an ambitious person in the modern world.

Gold text with the words The Uncouple Blog and purple text underneath with the words 'serious about stress'

Ambition. Defined by the Cambridge dictionary as "a strong wish to achieve something". Seems like a good thing right? On the surface, yes. Most of us would probably agree that we've been brought up to be driven, to achieve certain things in life, to have aspirations for our career, family life and the rest. There comes a point though where ambition becomes insidious. A wolf in sheep's clothing, it takes over to ensure the objectives set are met regardless of any potential consequences.

You may still be wondering what an earth I'm talking about. Let me explain with an example...

Recently, at a networking event I met a man in his early thirties. He was there with some colleagues - he appeared confident and perhaps a little guarded. I didn't think too much of it but could sense something was 'off'. Then at one point in the conversation, his colleague announced that this man was currently fighting cancer for a second time.

There was a mix of emotion in response. It was clear that there we had a lot of questions but we didn't quite feel comfortable asking them in case it caused any upset, offence or other unintended emotion in him. We asked some though - ones to gauge how he felt about his current situation. What struck me the most was how accepting he was of his position. Almost emotionless and nonchalant. So much so that despite his workplace putting in several measures to try to help him during his treatment, he refused to rest and just wanted to carry on working (something that he also mentioned he was hiding from his wife). He told us that work was a distraction (I get it and believed that it was) but it felt like more than that.

It transpired that he had set himself a goal - he wanted to retire at the age of 45 and it felt like his desire to reach his goal meant he had to continue to work at the same pace otherwise he feared he may not meet it. I am of course assuming this but from talking to him, his ambition was clear as day - he was a high achiever. Despite just turning 30, he was married with three young children, had a successful career where he managed an asset pool of c.£90 million for his clients and also had his own business worth over £3 million.

He also went on to explain that when he got cancer for the first time, he bottled it up - didn't speak to anyone about it, didn't let out any emotion. Sadly, after being in remission for a year, it returned. He suspected it had but delayed going to the doctors about it because he was busy with his young children and his work. Although many may judge him for that decision, unfortunately this resonated with me and I know I won't be the only one with whom it does.

In June 2021, after 14 months of stress-filled 10-15 hour days, I was ignoring the chest pains I was having because I was just too busy. It took me 2 weeks of consistent pain before I finally caved and went to my GP who worriedly sent me to A&E. It wasn't just ambition that got me to this point but it was certainly partly to blame. This strong desire to succeed at all costs and prove myself. Thankfully this was the turning point for me. The following month I left my job and the legal industry behind for good.

The irony of listening to this man's story of him potentially working himself to death to fulfil his goal of retiring at 45 was not lost on me. Of course I don't know what caused his cancer (often the reason is unclear) but I know that the physical stress he will have experienced from working so hard will have played a role. Sadly, this is by no means a rarity. I know many others that are on the same path - men I've dated, professionals in my network and some in my friendship circle. Lots of women find themselves doing this but I've noticed it more in men and often, they believe one or more of the following:

They've come from a poor background and want to escape that life
They've been brought up to believe that it's their job to be the breadwinner
They believe that they have to work hard so that they can attain the things that they believe proves to others that they are successful, e.g. nice house, car, holidays etc. even if it means they're leveraged to the hilt
They feel pressured by society and/or their culture to have certain jobs, assets, looks to be successful and/or be attractive to a potential partner

The consequences of this approach are two-fold. Some of these men will achieve the desired outcome and will genuinely be happy with their life and what they've created. The rest will achieve the outcome but still feel like something is missing. Either way, the consequences of relentless ambition and its impact on their health is what matters. Those that are happy may fend off these consequences for a little longer but our bodies are not built to work at 100% capacity all of the time. It stresses the body physically and mentally, leading to things like burnout, mid-life crises, high blood pressure, heart disease and cancer, amongst other things. Going to the gym when we are sleep-deprived and a holiday every now and again where we still check work emails and don't fully switch off, just isn't going to cut it.

I'm not asking you to turn down work opportunities or throw your goals in the bin. This is about understanding yourself and the potential consequences of the actions you take or don't take in life. If you'd like to work with someone to optimise your performance at work whilst taking care of your health, click here to get in touch.

Feel free to share your thoughts on the topic in the comments below.

Feel free to connect with me on LinkedIn or Instagram. You can also join our growing Uncouple® Network for free - more about this below.